Just give me some sign that not all is lost…text me, post a song about how you feel, DO SOMETHING. please :(
I don’t know how to get you to talk to me. I miss you so much, Ryan.
I think about you all of the time. I’m sure you know that. We haven’t talked in almost two months. It’s hard, when I got so used to talking to you everyday. It honestly didn’t matter what we talked about. Our smiles were incessant, as you would say.
I know I’ve told you that I think I’m still IN love with you. Regardless of any truth to that statement, I still love you. I love you as a person but mostly I love the 17-year-old you. So am I still IN love with you?
I mean how could I be after 5 years? Sure we’ve talked and we’ve definitely connected. Maybe it’s not that I’m in love with you, but I’m in love with the thought of us. In love with the relationship we once had. In love with the boy who was my first everything. I think I only see you as I did when I was 16 and enamored of you. She saw you as perfect. She saw you as someone who could do no wrong.
When we had to stop speaking back in March, one of my friends asked me if I was ready for you to leave your wife for me. I hadn’t thought of that before. I didn’t think it was a possibility. But no, I wouldn’t have been ready for that responsibility, that commitment.
Yes, I miss you! Yes, I love you! Yes, I wonder what it would be like to be back together. But, who knows what it would even be like if you and I tried again. We’re not the same people we were when we dated 7 years ago. Our lives are completely different. We’re at different places in our lives. I doubt that we would connect on a level substantial enough to make a relationship out of it.
So I suppose you’re just a fantasy to me. I tell myself that I would do anything to be with you, but it would likely be just a disappointment compared to what I’ve built up in my mind.
I either need the fantasy to be destroyed or to come true.
Give me closure or give me a chance.
Bad day. Wish I could talk to you. Miss you.